Redefining Win-Win through sports wagering
While watching the World Cup Germany 2006, I came to a revelation late in life that will bring me bliss for the rest of my days. Bet against my team. That Germany clinched a win over Portugal Saturday was not because the German team kicked ass up and down the field all day and Bastian Schweinsteiger was damn amazing. Germany won because of me.
Let me explain.
You see, I’m 44 and have spent this life working low wage jobs and those that weren’t were simply insufferable and as a result, I either quit or often got fired. More unfortunate, however, is my terrible luck with sports teams. Only twice in my life has a team I was cheering for won the championship. The rest of the time, my team loses. I know nothing of football except that the World Cup is bigger than any American sport by a hundredfold, bigger than the Olympics, and that the sport is quickly addictive — the more you learn, the more you appreciate, the more you want to watch. Trust me, for an American who has never played “soccer,” that’s enlightenment.
But since I wanted Germany and England to play in the final, I knew that somehow, neither would make it despite having formidable teams this year. When England lost to Portugal, I was so in a “WTF mate?” mood. So I decided to play an experiment. Since whatever team I’m cheering for inevitably loses, I’ll bet against my favorite team. If my team wins — Germany over Portugal on Saturday, then I’m happy because my team won. But if my experience holds true and Germany had lost, I would have won 4.4-to-1 odds against them and pulled in a nice lump of change, thus making me happy!
My wagering has nothing to do with logic, whim, emotion, odds, recent performance, past history, or even superior players. It’s all in my own desires. I wanted the St. Louis Cardinals to win the World Series in 2004? They get blown out in four straight games. I wanted the Dallas Mavericks to win the NBA Championship (and up 2-0 over Miami)? They lose four straight and go down in flames. I wanted the Seattle Seahawks to win over the Pittsburgh Steelers in the NFL Super Bowl? The referees blow a series of calls and Pittsburgh easily wins. Somehow, my team always loses. As a kid, I wanted a big sister with big tits? I got stuck with a first-class asshole for a big brother.
So from now on, no matter what happens and who wins, I will be happy. I will bet against whomever I want to win, and either be blissful that my team won, or I will suffer my favorite team’s loss by collecting money on a sports bet that I can use to buy my next computer. With my unfortunate luck, I figure I can retire by the time I hit 50.